I'll have a look at the Acceptance commitment principles.
Sitting and holding space for all our feelings. I love the following analogy of a a feeling being like a little seedling making itself known in the soil, and to be very gentle with it, and like a baby when it's distressed to embrace it will all the tenderness we can muster and just hold it loving. Takes lots of practice
That's a beautiful analogy and really helpful when we're not sure how to manage when things are overwhelming. Have you read the Happiness Trap by Russ Harris? I found that really helpful re ACT principles and where to focus.
No I haven't read that one, it sounds fascinating.
How long ago did you read it?
I would be interested to see what it has to say and compare it to how my own relationship with happiness has shifted over the years. And what new or forgotten ideas I could take away from it.
Any lines from the book that have stuck with you since you read it?
Ooh I read it a while back but going to dive into his second edition which has some changes.
A lot of that approach sits across my philosophy, but a few things that helped was thanking my brain/ mind when it was coming up with rumination thoughts, clean vs dirty discomfort and values-based action.
I realised how much I believed my internal world without questioning it's function or usefulness. Worth a look i reckon.
That's really good stuff. Acknowledgement of the rumination thoughts. Ive had look and the book is at my local library. I look forward to indulging in its content. I'm intrigued by the clean and dirty discomfort concept.
Thank you for sharing your story Sabrina, the courage and leadership you show in sharing your emotional content is inspiring. I find myself reflecting on the unique relationships I have with my mum and dad and how easy it is with my mum compared to my dad. From the age of 13 until I moved out of home at 21 I lived with my dad on one side of the country, while my brother lived with my mum on the other side of the country from the age of 8 onwards. I would say it took me 15 years to really come into my own from the time I moved out of home. So I really needed to be patient with myself.
Thanks for sharing that Benn. I’m so glad you’ve found some steadiness with your family set up and dynamics. It sounds so tough being split across the country and feeling more connected to your mum than your dad. You’re so right about patience. These attachment bonds with our parents can take a while to work through. They echo across our lifetimes don’t they?
How do you define patience and what does it look like for you?
The tough part wasn't the physical distance, but the internal conflict that I would end up having for many years until I meet my wife. I like how Gabor Mate describes it “trauma isn't what happens to you but what happens inside of you as a result of the event”
Some of the echo's are beautiful while others are haunting.
Such a good question re patience. Sometimes it feels excruciating but I have to try and step back to get perspective on it. And yes, trauma is more about our reaction to the event. We all respond differently to our experiences and it's about finding or creating that choice point.
Acceptance commitment therapy principles have really helped me in the past. Much of it is learning how to sit with discomfort and not piling on more pressure.
It really is relearning how to exist- not easy but it's helped me so much with past trauma and mental health issues since childhood. I'm glad you've found a way to reflect on your past and the progress you've made.
Thanks Neural. Appreciate your comment. Sorry you've been wrestling with this shift from fears to values. It's so hard to set those boundaries especially if it's a new dynamic. But we need to reduce the stress we're already under to feel grounded again.
Yes,the crucial choice point.
I'll have a look at the Acceptance commitment principles.
Sitting and holding space for all our feelings. I love the following analogy of a a feeling being like a little seedling making itself known in the soil, and to be very gentle with it, and like a baby when it's distressed to embrace it will all the tenderness we can muster and just hold it loving. Takes lots of practice
That's a beautiful analogy and really helpful when we're not sure how to manage when things are overwhelming. Have you read the Happiness Trap by Russ Harris? I found that really helpful re ACT principles and where to focus.
No I haven't read that one, it sounds fascinating.
How long ago did you read it?
I would be interested to see what it has to say and compare it to how my own relationship with happiness has shifted over the years. And what new or forgotten ideas I could take away from it.
Any lines from the book that have stuck with you since you read it?
Ooh I read it a while back but going to dive into his second edition which has some changes.
A lot of that approach sits across my philosophy, but a few things that helped was thanking my brain/ mind when it was coming up with rumination thoughts, clean vs dirty discomfort and values-based action.
I realised how much I believed my internal world without questioning it's function or usefulness. Worth a look i reckon.
That's really good stuff. Acknowledgement of the rumination thoughts. Ive had look and the book is at my local library. I look forward to indulging in its content. I'm intrigued by the clean and dirty discomfort concept.
Ooh enjoy! Let me know what stands out for you.
Thank you for sharing your story Sabrina, the courage and leadership you show in sharing your emotional content is inspiring. I find myself reflecting on the unique relationships I have with my mum and dad and how easy it is with my mum compared to my dad. From the age of 13 until I moved out of home at 21 I lived with my dad on one side of the country, while my brother lived with my mum on the other side of the country from the age of 8 onwards. I would say it took me 15 years to really come into my own from the time I moved out of home. So I really needed to be patient with myself.
Thanks for sharing that Benn. I’m so glad you’ve found some steadiness with your family set up and dynamics. It sounds so tough being split across the country and feeling more connected to your mum than your dad. You’re so right about patience. These attachment bonds with our parents can take a while to work through. They echo across our lifetimes don’t they?
How do you define patience and what does it look like for you?
The tough part wasn't the physical distance, but the internal conflict that I would end up having for many years until I meet my wife. I like how Gabor Mate describes it “trauma isn't what happens to you but what happens inside of you as a result of the event”
Some of the echo's are beautiful while others are haunting.
Such a good question re patience. Sometimes it feels excruciating but I have to try and step back to get perspective on it. And yes, trauma is more about our reaction to the event. We all respond differently to our experiences and it's about finding or creating that choice point.
Acceptance commitment therapy principles have really helped me in the past. Much of it is learning how to sit with discomfort and not piling on more pressure.
It really is relearning how to exist- not easy but it's helped me so much with past trauma and mental health issues since childhood. I'm glad you've found a way to reflect on your past and the progress you've made.
Thanks Neural. Appreciate your comment. Sorry you've been wrestling with this shift from fears to values. It's so hard to set those boundaries especially if it's a new dynamic. But we need to reduce the stress we're already under to feel grounded again.