I’m confused on how to feel. My ex passed away recently and I am lost. Confused on whether I’m allowed to miss them and think about them constantly - if we were not together anymore. I went through the grief of the break up about a year ago and now I feel like I’m going through it again but 10x worse. I feel weird remembering us because there was many reasons we were not together anymore. Many bad reasons; I was forced to leave by the constant threat to my sanity. But the love never faded away.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I can feel the pain and confusion through your words. Sending you lots of hugs. It makes sense you’re grieving again. Even when our relationships with people change, we continue to have a bond with them. You recognise and pros and cons but like you said, the love is still there. Try not to hold back how you feel. The grief is there and it comes from that bond you have, even if it changed over time. I’ve found the more we try to push these thoughts and feelings away, the stronger they grasp for our attention. So allow yourself to sit with them and honour in ways that feel right for you here and now x
I just want to thank you for allowing me to come on here to spill my thoughts. Your reply helped me realize that what I’m feeling doesn’t need a label - it just is, and it isn’t going away anytime soon.
Everyday I try to talk to him about what I am feeling and how certain things remind me of him. It makes my heart warm for a second before the tears start to fill my eyes and I am reminded of your comment “allow yourself to feel”. So thank you.
Glad I stumbled upon your work! Lost my dad in April, now in pre-grief for my mom who is declining--diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer that's gone to her brain and lymph nodes in February, given months maybe weeks to live. She's outlived the prognosis, still living independently with no pain. Didn't expect that, but man we're grateful. Recently, though, she's been having dizzy spells and yesterday said it might be time to start thinking about assisted living. "Not today," she said. "But... sometime." She's lived a full life at 85. But man, it's still tough. Look forward to reading more of your work.
I'm so glad you found this space too Lynn. Gosh, I'm so sorry about losing your dad so recently, and now dealing with your mum's declining health and illness. I'm sending so many hugs your way. It really can't be easy but your mum seems to be breaking expectations and still feisty which is great! Do reach out if you need to share anything and remember to look after yourself through this too x
This is a great point Linda. Anniversaries and their season bring back those physical and emotional feelings. End of year is a tough one of me too and i really notice my body shift. Sending lots of hugs. Be extra patient with yourself x
Thank you for sharing these insights, Sabrina. Grief is so isolating because we are unprepared for how intense it is. People are very kind in the immediate aftermath, but we don't understand how life changing it is until it happens to us.
Glad it resonated Peggy. Grief is so isolating and that doesn't shift straight away. We are often changed at a fundamental level and need time to work out who we are now and who we want to be. Thank you.
I’m confused on how to feel. My ex passed away recently and I am lost. Confused on whether I’m allowed to miss them and think about them constantly - if we were not together anymore. I went through the grief of the break up about a year ago and now I feel like I’m going through it again but 10x worse. I feel weird remembering us because there was many reasons we were not together anymore. Many bad reasons; I was forced to leave by the constant threat to my sanity. But the love never faded away.
Thank you for this post.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I can feel the pain and confusion through your words. Sending you lots of hugs. It makes sense you’re grieving again. Even when our relationships with people change, we continue to have a bond with them. You recognise and pros and cons but like you said, the love is still there. Try not to hold back how you feel. The grief is there and it comes from that bond you have, even if it changed over time. I’ve found the more we try to push these thoughts and feelings away, the stronger they grasp for our attention. So allow yourself to sit with them and honour in ways that feel right for you here and now x
I just want to thank you for allowing me to come on here to spill my thoughts. Your reply helped me realize that what I’m feeling doesn’t need a label - it just is, and it isn’t going away anytime soon.
Everyday I try to talk to him about what I am feeling and how certain things remind me of him. It makes my heart warm for a second before the tears start to fill my eyes and I am reminded of your comment “allow yourself to feel”. So thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing that. Well done for letting the emotions and tears flow. Sending hugs.
Glad I stumbled upon your work! Lost my dad in April, now in pre-grief for my mom who is declining--diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer that's gone to her brain and lymph nodes in February, given months maybe weeks to live. She's outlived the prognosis, still living independently with no pain. Didn't expect that, but man we're grateful. Recently, though, she's been having dizzy spells and yesterday said it might be time to start thinking about assisted living. "Not today," she said. "But... sometime." She's lived a full life at 85. But man, it's still tough. Look forward to reading more of your work.
I'm so glad you found this space too Lynn. Gosh, I'm so sorry about losing your dad so recently, and now dealing with your mum's declining health and illness. I'm sending so many hugs your way. It really can't be easy but your mum seems to be breaking expectations and still feisty which is great! Do reach out if you need to share anything and remember to look after yourself through this too x
Than you for listening, Sabrina. Just don’t feel like dealing with another round right now. Hoping she hangs on🥰
That makes so much sense. It can feel like too much too soon. Fingers crossed for you both 🥰🫂
This helped me understand my husband who lost his mother last year.
Sorry for you and your husband's loss Anima. I'm glad this has helped understand his reaction to losing his mother last year. Wishing you both well.
This is even true if you have old grief to process.
I am finding things coming up now this time of year I am grieving for. It's shocking actually.
This is a great point Linda. Anniversaries and their season bring back those physical and emotional feelings. End of year is a tough one of me too and i really notice my body shift. Sending lots of hugs. Be extra patient with yourself x
I wish I could be one of the beta users for the workshop
Thanks Francesca. I'll drop you a DM with next steps. Look forward to exploring more
Thank you for sharing these insights, Sabrina. Grief is so isolating because we are unprepared for how intense it is. People are very kind in the immediate aftermath, but we don't understand how life changing it is until it happens to us.
Glad it resonated Peggy. Grief is so isolating and that doesn't shift straight away. We are often changed at a fundamental level and need time to work out who we are now and who we want to be. Thank you.